Distance

Today I got terrible news from someone I love very much.

I hope he knows I'm thinking of him.

Hooray!

Let's hear it for:

--iced coffee
--air conditioners and the wonderful wives who install them (thanks again, Petunia!)
--water play with the kids
--sleepy babies
--feeling healthier
--vintage baby clothes (thanks again, Poor_Statue!)
--perfectly ripe red plums
--good mail
--a brand new baby boy--congratulations K&K!
--other babies on the way (congratulations to L&L and S&S)
--new glittery pink nail polish plus flamingo flip flops
--Grey's Anatomy from the Netflix (I'm hooked on this show 90210-style)
--meeting new friends at the zoo
--hearing great news from those same friends
--planning a get-together with old friends
--anticipating a night out with my 2 favorite people: they welcome babies!
--new library books

What's on your Hooray List today?

Contemplating a run for office

Petunia is so good to me.

She installed our heavy-ass air conditioners yesterday in anticipation of today's heat/humidity fest. She also bought another a/c for Hester's room, which she installed before she left for work this morning.

She fed Hester at 3am.

She's v. solicitous of Hester's and my icky snotty summer colds. She even called twice today to check in on us.

She got everything ready for last night's final post-placement visit with Ms. Stork. All I had to do was clean up from work.

She made strawberry sundaes last night. Yum!

Petunia is the best. I'm so lucky to be her wife!

Early Intervention update

Hester had another Early Intervention appointment this morning. Thankfully, she's doing great. The big change is that they decided to reassess her at 6 months rather than 1 year since she's doing so well. I'm glad, too--I'm sick of Early Intervention. Our specialist is v. condescending; today she told Petunia it's good to play Pat-a-Cake with Hester. She also puts her foot in it re: adoption stuff every month, which pisses me off. I'll be glad when Early Intervention is over.

Newsflash

My mom recently started reading my blog. Holla!

Ol' Clumsy is at it again

Plus: My stomach's feeling better.

Minus: I stabbed myself in the eye with a garden stake.

I thought I was going to have my first ride in an ambulance there for a minute. My eye hurt. I bent over to retrieve a ball from the garden and BLAMMO! blinding pain in my right eye. I don't know how my eyeball is still stuck in my head. It's fine, though--no bruising, bleeding, hemorraging, etc.--just a nasty headache in my eye socket and forehead.

I'm such a tool.

Home sick

I'm off work today for my 2nd sick day ever. I've had a stomach virus since Saturday and thought I beat it on Tuesday, but yesterday I realized I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Here's what's not fun: telling your active toddlers they can't go outside on a beautiful afternoon because you need to stick close to the bathroom. Also not fun: Running to the bathroom while work parents are picking up their kids.

[Note to self: When recovering from a stomach bug, give it a few extra days before having a salad with raspberries and a side of fresh corn for lunch.]

I feel guilty for missing work today even though my work parents know I'm genuinely sick. However, Hester and I have been hanging out chill-style this morning and it's been WONDERFUL. She relaxed under her baby gym in the early morning while I moped on the couch. Then I fed her and we both napped for a couple of hours, which was blissful.

I am a lucky, lucky woman to have a baby this easygoing.

Now that we're both awake, I'm trying to decide what to do this afternoon. The J part of me wants to run errands--I need to go to the much-dreaded BJs and know it would be quieter on a workday--but rest of me wants to relax here at home. I think that's what I'll do--shower, sit on the couch some more, and play with baby Hester.

I think I'll skip the veggies at lunch, though.

Water baby

So far today...

...a child offered me a cocktail from the dramatic play kitchen.

...two other children slow danced to Time After Time.

...we ate ginormous monster cupcakes brought by a parent in celebration of her son's 3rd birthday.



I'm enjoying work again.

Question

I know that some of y'all have 5-year olds in your life. Can you recommend any favorite books for kids that age? Thanks!

Yes, she is small.

You know how one minute you can be all, "Hey, my kid's doing great!" and the next minute all, "OMG, is there something wrong with my kid?" We had a couple of moments like that during Portland Pride.

During the parade we stood next to some pediatrician dude from northern Maine who wouldn't stop commenting on Hester's weight. He was all, " How old is she, 3 months?" and, "She's really small for 5 months, " and, "She has the classic 4-month head wobble, " and, "Was she full-term?" and, "Hmm, she's really small for her age." Jeezy! Then down at the festival, another woman wouldn't let up on Hester's size either: "She's so small for 5 months! Does she drink breast milk? Do you use partially digested formula? Did she ever drink breast milk?" ARRGHH!

As y'all know, this is the health issue we're most concerned about for Hester. She doesn't like to eat and she is small for her age (weight-wise, not length-wise). Her pediatrician is keeping an eye on Hester's growth but she isn't concerned, so we're trying hard to follow her lead. Still, it's difficult: When you try all day to feed your baby and she doesn't want to eat, it's a pretty stressful situation. The last thing you want is people making a big deal out of the very issue you're trying to minimize.

Random stuff

Second quarter taxes are due today. Blech.

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My v. stylish and kind friends C&F sent us a little package from their newest venture, Bureau of Urban Living. They gave Hester the sweetest little embroidered pillow! I wish I lived in Detroit so I could visit them all the time.

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Last night Petunia and I went to a card making class given by one of my work moms. We went out of obligation, but we made some really cool greeting cards. Who knew? Now I'm kind of obsessed with this transparent ink that lets you stamp watermark-looking things onto your papers. It's pretty cool stuff.

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Hester's big on the stranger anxiety these days. She's been fussing at folks for a while now, but on Wednesday she full-on cried when Baby A.'s mom smiled at her. I wanted to take her aside and be like, "Look Hester, N.'s baby died when he was a month younger than you are now. Let the woman hold you, for crying out loud!" Not my most empathetic moment, I'll grant you.

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For 3 years I've gotten away with calling the ice cream truck "the music truck" during work hours. (What? It's not exactly a lie!) However, I fear that my sweets-loving 2.5 year old little girl is going to blow my cover: "Why those kids have ice creams, Clementine? The music truck has ice creams?"

Sigh. If they ever discover the tastiness of Phil's homemade ice cream sandwiches, I'll have a mutiny on my hands.

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We really need copies of Hester's photos for Bobby for Father's Day, but it just won't happen for us: Target let us down bigtime and CVS wouldn't recognize the files on the CD from our computer (though they transferred just fine to Petunia's computer at work...what gives?). We're sending Bobby the CD itself with a note that real photos will be coming soon, but this sucks--it's his first Father's Day with Hester and there's a screw up. I feel guilty about it, but Petunia and I have been trying to get those photos printed all week. At least Bobby will have a card, Hester's molded hand print, and a letter from us (we sent his package overnight today). It doesn't feel right without the pictures, though.

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I'm looking forward to a great weekend! I have Portland Pride, a visit to Hester's old NICU, and a long-awaited Psychic Twin Birthday Blowout with my dear JPP. Good times are ahead. I hope they are for you, too.

And in other news

Clara's afraid of our laptop. Specifically, she's afraid of its slideshow screensaver. It's all photos of Hester (of course!) and she freaked out when she saw her baby's face flashing across the screen. I had to pet the computer, talk to it in a sweet voice, and give Clara a treat to make her stop. It was pretty funny, actually.

Happy Pride Month indeed

Now that I've made all my thank you calls to the appropriate senators and representatives (not to mention our new governor!), it's starting to sink in: We're free. We won. We can rest for a moment before taking up this struggle again in other ways and in other states. No more worrying whether equal marriage will remain legal in our home state. No more threats of an ugly anti-equality campaign in which our families are dragged through the mud. No more feeling second class as our very lives are up for public debate.

On a personal level, no more worrying whether my business will close because I can't get health insurance through my wife's insurance policy. No more questioning whether Hester's 2nd birth certificate will list both of us as her legal parents. No more concerns over hospital visits, insurance policies, and inheritance rights. No more worrying that our own marriage might be annulled.

Tonight when Petunia returns from the State House we'll celebrate this victory for equality. For today at least, justice and freedom prevailed.

Fucking Fuckerface lets us down again

Our fuckerface of a state rep voted for the amendment. Ooh, I'm mad.

But he LOST, and conservative crazies LOST, and EQUAL RIGHTS WON!

Oh my lord, I love Massachusetts.

More news

To put the amendment before the voters, the other side needed 50 votes. They only got 45. The amendment is dead!

OH MY GOD

They voted NO! Equal marriage WON!

More soon.

Equal marriage is at stake

Tomorrow is the next MA Constitutional Convention. I feel sick over what's at stake. If 50 legislators vote to approve the "one man, one woman" amendment, it'll go before the voters next November. If you live in MA, you know what you need to do: Get in touch with your state legislators today before it's too late.

Time heals an old wound

Several years ago I worked at a local nonprofit. I loved it there--my clients were amazing and my coworkers were outstanding. The 4 of us on staff were a tight team, all completely committed to our clients. I worked there happily for several years and I still count it as the most important work I've ever done.

Things ended badly at the nonprofit, however. Relationships between coworkers deteriorated as one person left for school, another left for a different nonprofit job, and I left to take a fellowship. The 4th person was left to run the place with a completely new staff and no support. It was a horrible time--I cried every morning and night for a couple of months before I finally resigned.

After leaving, I was messed up for a long time. Things were said during those last 2 months that made me doubt the very core of myself. It took a couple of years for the pain to lift enough for me to understand why things ended so horribly. It was crazy--for a while I felt like I was losing my mind. Once I got some distance, though, I realized all the good I did while I worked there. I also regained the pride and confidence I lost when I left. Still, I avoided the folks I knew from there; I didn't want to be reminded of such a dark time.

However, at Pride I ran into one of those old coworkers. [Frickkin' Pride!] She was with her family and I was with Hester and Petunia. Her partner--maybe wife now?--cooed over the baby while I exclaimed over her child. She and I exchanged pleasantries, then she hugged me a couple of times. She said something about moving on from Ye Olde Nonprofit herself.

And it was strange...in those few minutes with her I finally got some closure about those last 2 months at the nonprofit. Maybe it was knowing that none of the old guard was still on staff; maybe it was seeing her and thinking, "Wow, I've missed her." I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I felt good about seeing her. Like I'd come back into my own, if that makes sense.

Hmm.

A day to remember

Today began on a great note with news of our dear friends' pregnancy (we were with them at brunch when they got the call from their fertility clinic!) and got even better when my brother called to announce his engagement! That's two times today I got to bust out the joyful tears, folks. TWO! I'm so happy for L&L and for Orca and Beluga! Babies and weddings...does it get any better than that?

What a joyful, wonderful day!

Happy Pride Month!

I need some schoolin'

I know about the churchy part, but what-all goes on at a baptism? Is there a luncheon? A party? A giant cake with a picture of the baby's head on it? Do people expect favors? This inquiring mind needs to know what she's gotten herself into.

My parents will be inviting all their relatives and we'll be inviting some close friends. People will be coming from out of town for the long weekend. Please tell me what the hell I should do with all these folks!

Mommy's Little Helper

Petunia and I attended the APA conference in Hawaii a few years ago. One day we were up in Haleiwa looking for The World's Best Shave Ice and I fell out BIGTIME: I had a major spasm in my shoulder that must have triggered my vagus nerve. I got all shocky--trouble breathing, crazy heart rate, pale and sweating, etc. I thought I was having a heart attack, actually; I had to lie down in the middle of a hot parking lot (in my swimsuit!) until my heart and respiration rates got slower. Once I could breathe again and see clearly, the pain in my shoulder was out of control. It radiated up into my neck and down into my arm and back. It took assloads of ibuprofen and several days to get it back to normal.

Since then, I've had the same shoulder pain a few times. I got it again around 4am this morning; I turned over in my sleep and something gave way in my shoulder. It's been awful all day, and now my other shoulder's starting to hurt because I'm carrying myself all crooked and crazy. This morning I tried heat, cold, stretching, Ben Gay, massage, and ibuprofen, and nothing worked to ease the pain.

So I busted out the vicodin.

Here's what's awesome: Working with toddlers while being jacked up on vicodin. Can I get an Amen?

Seriously, the vicodin doesn't even touch the pain; it just makes me not care about it. And I'm in my right mind, not fucked up at all. However, now I know why they call it Mommy's Little Helper: I have the patience of a saint on this shit!

Good thing I only have a few pills left, eh?

Renouncing Satan, etc.

Yesterday we learned that Hester will be baptized on the date of our 6th wedding anniversary.* The priest who married us (read: the woman who joined us in Holy Union in an extralegal wedding 6 years ago) will baptize our daughter this fall.

Isn't that amazing?

*For those of you who know us in real life, please save the date!

See you there!

Free Shakespeare On the Common information can be found here.

Free sweets with a side of hypocrisy

Did you know that Cold Stone will give you a free sundae on your birthday? So will Friendly's. And Finale will bring you a free dessert. (You know, I'm just sayin'. If you know any other freebie places, birthday or not, please leave me a comment! Y'all know I love The Free Stuff.)

So Petunia and I were at Cold Stone on Monday getting my free sundae when I was stopped in my tracks by the v. friendly young woman dishing up our ice cream. "Your daughter is SO cute!" she exclaimed, then added, "Are you looking for a babysitter?" My jaw just about hit the floor. She went on to say that she goes to UMass Dartmouth but is back in town for the summer. She handed me her number and said to give her a call if we ever needed a sitter.

Seriously folks, I was dumbfounded. Right now I can't imagine wanting to go someplace where Hester couldn't come, too. Isn't that funny, though? I take care of other people's kids for a living but can't imagine leaving my child with a child care provider of any sort: relative, friend, or stranger; paid or unpaid. It's the worst sort of double standard. It's not that I don't trust other people or that I think they'd do a crappy job with Hester; it's just that I want to be with her all the time. I know that doesn't sound v. healthy, but it feels healthy. Strange, no?

Five things

Re: Petunia's meme, here are 5 things you might not know about me:

1. I don't shave from September to May, and then in May I bust out the razor. Internalized sexism? Cooler legs and pits? Maybe both.

2. The last 2 times I ate a plain banana, I vomited. Now I'm scared to eat bananas. (I'll still eat banana bread, though.)

3. I love reading trashy mysteries. Patricia Cornwell, Jonathan Kellerman, Edna Buchanan, and Kathy Reichs are some of my favorite trashy fiction authors.

4. I laugh my ass off watching America's Funniest Home Videos. For real, I do. And yes, I liked it better with Bob Saget, aka Mr. Full House.

5. I have a serious problem with stationery: I love it! I love sending hand-written letters and cards. I love receiving them, too.

Random things

This whole wireless internet thing rocks. I'm LOVING it, dudes. This morning I listened to NPR downstairs...we can't get it on the house except through the computer, so I've gone 3 years without Morning Edition. I'm v. happy to have it back.

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We started looking at western MA real estate publications over the weekend. We don't want to move anytime soon, but we'd like to be in a more open and accepting school district by the time Hester hits kindergarten. It's funny how much less scary it is to think about buying a house the second time around. Of course, it's terrifying to think of selling this one, but people sell their houses all the time. We'll do our research, talk with our peeps, and we'll be fine. We're lucky that our current house is in an area that's appreciated a lot over the last several years; also, there are always first-time homeowners looking for a good deal. Our house is teeny tiny, but it's in move-in condition. You can't say that about an awful lot of houses in our price range in this area.

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Thanks for your suggestions about transferring files from the old computer to the laptop. We ended up going with a free internet storage site; so far, it's working well. Thanks again for the advice.

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Hester started experimenting with her voice today. She's been squealing and babbling up a storm! It's so nice to hear her sweet little voice.

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We have Baby's First Pride this weekend! It's Boston Pride, and we're so excited to be marching for the first time with our little Hester. I've been dreaming of this day for years, and I can't believe it's almost here.

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I'm feeling much better after a quiet weekend with my little family. We spent Saturday in western Mass and yesterday on the couch...it was heavenly. We made plans for the summer (Tanglewood, anyone?) and watched craploads of Scrubs. Good times, friends, good times.

Thinking optimistically

In an attempt to jumpstart the weekend, I'm going to list some good things from this week. Here goes:

--My dad's 2nd cardiac cath went well.
--My mom's GI tests came back fine.*
--Nibs.
--The aforementioned "bastard coated bastards" line.
--Pizza, salad, and ice cream with my little fam.
--Catching a few Zs with Hester as we waited for Petunia.
--Sleeping children.
--Nice weather.
--News of kids' upcoming vacations.
--New baby gym for Hester.
--More v. kind gifts for Hester, this time from L&J.
--Our new computer.
--Pride month.
--Baby swimming pool.
--Fresh squeezed orange juice.
--Sweet kitties and dogger.
--Skorts. (ha!)
--Gossiping with college friends.
--Flowers, plants, and a tree from Green Thumb.
--Memorial Day.
--Several packages on their way.
--Hester's smiles.
--Petunia's kindness.

*She still might have to swallow a teeny camera, though.

"Bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings."

TGIF, dudes.

This week has been spectacularly craptastic and I'm so glad it's almost over. Good riddance, I say. This week can suck it.

One shining moment: Last night we were watching Scrubs on the DVD and heard the best lines ever:

"People aren't chocolates. Know what they are mostly? BASTARDS. Bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings."

Word.