Adventures in babysitting

We're going to be meeting with a potential babysitter for Hester this weekend. Considering what I do for work, I'm surprisingly nervous about the meeting. We've only left Hester once--with my parents--and that was just a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure we're up to leaving her with a stranger, but there you go. We'll do our very best to screen this person; we'll call her references and ask her assloads of questions. After that, we'll go with our guts. If you have any advice on screening a possible babysitter, I'd appreciate hearing it.

(An aside: Why oh why don't we know any local parents? A child care swap would be AWESOME.)

News about baby foods

This morning Hester went to the doctor for her 9-month checkup. Dr. Gentle told Petunia that Hester can have all sorts of table foods now, including egg whites, and said we can start giving her milk along with formula at ~11 months. The most interesting thing she said was that Hester can have peanut butter at 12 months. Whaaa? I thought that peanut butter was strictly verboten until 3 years, but apparently not. I just did some online checking, and it turns out that the AAP recommends delaying peanut butter only for children with a high risk for peanut allergy. Who knew?

Hester's Baptism

Who knew that Hester's baptism would be so moving? She was amazing, calm and composed as she joined her community of faith. The ceremony took place in the church where we were married on the 6th anniversary of our wedding; it was performed by the priest who married us. Many of our friends and family were in attendance. The whole day was filled with joy and blessings.

Baby Hester a few minutes before the service began.

Blurry photo of Hester being baptized.

Long weekend plans

Today is my last day of work till next Tuesday. HOORAY!!!!! Folks start arriving tomorrow for Hester's baptism, and we'll have a busy, fun time of it from then till Monday. I'm especially looking forward to introducing Hester to her other great grandma. I think this is going to be a really nice long weekend.

Hester's baptism dress and bloomer (read: butt sweater) are drying on the washer as I type this. I'll add a button to the back of the dress and ribbons to both pieces this evening; after that, the dress will be completely finished. I'm glad that Petunia had the idea to make Hester's dress ourselves.

National Adoption Day

We got word today that we'll be finalizing Hester's adoption on Friday, November 16--National Adoption Day. I'm not looking forward to it. I'd hoped that we could do something small, something that would honor the solemnity of the occasion as well as the mixed emotions that the day will surely bring. I'd hoped it would be just Ms. Stork (our social worker), our little family, and the judge. Instead, we're going to have Adoptionpalooza! complete with arts and crafts, a community breakfast, and a press conference "to celebrate all the adopting families."

It just feels wrong to me.

I wonder what Hester will think of this day in years to come. Will she think it's cool that there was such a to-do on the day she legally joined our family, or will she be angry that such fuss was made on such a bittersweet day? Hard to say.

In the meantime, I wish we trusted the placing agency enough to tell them what we really want. Knowing them, it's better to go along with the carnival of National Adoption Day than to fight for our own small, private adoption day. November 16 is the soonest day we'd be able to adopt Hester, so that's what we'll do. We'll make it legal like some tacky Vegas wedding, then we'll get the hell out of there.

Lifebook

Lately I've been hard at work on Hester's lifebook. I just finished most of the text and I think it's coming together well, but I wonder if I put too much information in it. I don't want to leave anything out, but I'm also the kind of person who thinks that more is more when it comes to information.

I used Beth O'Malley's framework for constructing the book but wrote it with my own phrasing, including lots of little details like what Ariana ate when she was pregnant with Hester and how one of Hester's relatives is a Junior Olympian. I didn't shy away from the birds and bees stuff, or Hester's birth and hospitalization, or the very difficult reasons why Ariana and Bobby said they made an adoption plan for her. I think it's a good lifebook, but I also think it's pretty weighty. Overwhelming, even. But doesn't Hester deserve to know her truth from the get-go, details and all?

I just hope I'm not effing this up.

In which I see red

Our placing agency fucking SUCKS.

We were eligible to apply for a court date to finalize Hester's adoption on July 18, which was 6 months after Hester was placed with us. Of course, the placing agency has been giving us the runaround since then. We're not surprised about this--they were even worse before Hester was born and worse still when she was in the hospital. They're lazy, incompetent, and negligent; they also lie all the time. This time, they say that their lawyer is refraining from sending us our Petition to Adopt and Affidavit of Petitioner paperwork "until they have a few more families ready to finalize." BULLSHIT! I know they're giving us shitty treatment because of our particular situation. I'm incensed about it.

The very minute we finalize, Petunia's going straight to their board of directors. The director of the agency deserves to lose her job.

The back of the dress

I finished the back of Hester's dress this morning. It looks v. small, but that's because the stockinette stitch rolls in on itself. Once I block it, stitch it together, and add the trim, it should be the correct size for her. Fingers crossed, anyway! This is what the dress should look like when it's finished, by the way:

I think it's getting there, don't you?

Knitting the baptism dress

Baptism dress

Yesterday Petunia decided that we should knit Hester's baptism dress. After a moment's pause, I concurred. Are we nuts or what? Nothing says pressure like a deadline and a Garment That Must Be Perfect. Or, you know, wearable. We'll see how it goes...y'all already know how much I love small gauge and/or deadline knitting.

I actually started the dress early this morning after doing my trusty gauge swatch. The dress is on size 5s with Debbie Bliss white merino and it's from a pattern in the Debbie Bliss Baby Knits for Beginners book. I just read online that the pattern I'm using has problems with its neckline, but whatever. I also decided to go with seed stitch as the decorative stitch rather than garter stitch, so that should be fun to change up, too. But as much as I want to complain, I have to say this: I'm 13 rows into the back of the dress and it's already so pretty. I hope that Hester will like it; I hope she'll also like the matching sweater and booties that Petunia will make for her.

From now till October 7, it'll be All Knitting, All the Time around these parts! I'll try to post pictures as I work. Here's hoping things go according to plan; otherwise, it's a tacky shiny polyester dress from Sears for us. The horror!

Glamour shots

True confession: We're taking Hester to get her 6-month photo done at a kiddie portrait studio tomorrow morning. I know, I know--could we be more middle class?

I'm trying not to let my inner stage mother get the best of me, but what in the world should this child wear to her sitting? I'm inclined to put her in something v. casual, but this is the only studio photo she'll have until her first birthday. Should we go more formal? Should we stick to casual wear? Eh, who the hell knows. One thing's for sure: There will be no naked baby pics! Those are just plain creepy to me.

The Ergo, Part 3

[Part 2 here. Part 1 referenced later.]

I will now present a mini-photo essay of yesterday's late afternoon adventures with The Ergo. And PS--I took these photos of myself while wearing said Ergo and chasing after 3 bigger kids. Now that's talent!

Here's Hester Willa snoozing on my back as I play tag with her more mobile friends. She and I are glued together by sweat, but whatevs--my hands are free, I can bend over, and my back feels great. So what if it's 90 degrees and humid? We're bonding, damn it. (An aside--see how cute and chubby her little hand is? That's because she actually eats nowadays!)

But now you see my problem. And I spared you a trip out west, JPP!

Is this situation out of control or what?

Till later...ta ta!

In which I am ungrateful and peevish

Y'all might recall that I only had one week off from work when Hester got discharged from her 7-week NICU stay. That sucked bigtime. I was so stressed: My work families were demanding, my child care kids were nuts, and Hester herself needed lots of TLC. Most days I wanted to run away and live in a cave with Hester and Petunia and never see anyone else ever ever again.

In the midst of that horrendously difficult first week of work, one of my work moms gave me some yarn she picked up while Hester was in the hospital. "I really liked these colors!" she said, "And I know you like to knit, so I thought this would make a nice summer sweater for the baby. There's definitely enough yarn here for a baby sweater--I checked with the woman at the yarn shop." And though I knew she meant the gift in a kind, generous way, in my stress haze all I could think was, "FUCK!!! Another demand on my time. Sport-weight (thin) yarn. And the gifter is at my house all the time so she'd know if I let the project sit. Gah!"

Resentfully, I started the sweater back in March. I finally finished it 2 weeks ago. It still needs blocking and some I-cord ties, but whatever: It's done. I'm still not appropriately grateful for the gift--the timing was terrible!--but I'm so glad to have knit this sweater for little Hester.

Baby spew

Under the heading "Better Safe Than Sorry," Petunia is on her way home to take Hester to the doctor. Hester's been vomiting a lot since she got sick with a head cold late last week, and we want to find out whether the vom can be blamed on post-nasal drip or whether her Zantac prescription needs to be adjusted.


Things I've Learned About Baby Spew, Part 3

1. Formula + baby cereal + baby yogurt + fruit/veg = V. colorful vomit.

2. I liked it better when it was only formula.

3. Carrots stain v. easily.

4. Good thing Crocs are washable.

Plan B

Many moons ago, I worked as a toddler teacher at a child development center. It was a fun job and I liked it, though I didn't like the way the administration treated the teachers. When I left that job to attend graduate school, I always figured that if I couldn't find a job doing other things, teaching would be a good solid Plan B for me.

Eight years ago I applied for and received my state license to teach infants and toddlers in a child care center. (Yes, it's a different process for center licensure vs. family child care licensure. Gotta love The State!) I promptly forgot all about this once I got my first post-grad school job as co-director of a youth center, and only remembered the license recently when we began to discuss moving west. On Monday I spoke with someone at the EEC who said that my license is still valid; she sent a new copy out to me with my married name on it. I received it yesterday.

It feels good to have this piece of paper in my possession. I like having options, and this license gives me one more possibility for work. Since we want to move to western MA before Hester starts school, it makes sense to me to start poking around now. Family child care might still be a possibility once we move, but maybe for a specific clientele, like teachers' children so I can have holidays and summers off with my little miss. Hmm.

At any rate, I'm glad to have my Plan B back again. I realize now that I actually missed it.

The Ergo, Part 2

So, more news about the Ergo:

1. It fits me a lot better around my hips than my waist. The extender isn't noticeable, either.

2. However, it is VERY hot to wear, both for Hester and for me. She complains when she's in it for more than a few minutes in this yucky weather. [She tolerates our regular front carrier just fine, though.]

2.5 The Ergo isn't nearly as ugly in real life as it looks online. We got the indigo with camel hood, and the colors are way brighter than I thought they'd be.

3. Because she's still so little, Hester can't see when she's in the Ergo. This is problematic for her because she's as nosy as her Mama.

4. The hip carry option is our current favorite because it lets Hester see and it's a little cooler for her. The hip carry is WAY comfy for me, too, much better than the sling or Maya wrap.

4.5 I'm still scared to wear her on my back in public because of The Chest Factor.

5. The final verdict: I think this is a product that will grow with us. Right now we can't use it in all the ways we'd like, but I think it'll become our BFF as time goes on.

Hospital memories

Here's something interesting: I can't stand seeing photos of Hester in the NICU. Even good photos, pictures where she's resting comfortably or taking a bath (her favorite NICU activity) make me cringe. The ones where she looks sick make me want to throw up.

It's not just Hester in the NICU, either--it's all NICU images. I first noticed the aversion while watching Grey's Anatomy; I almost had to stop watching when they had that first NICU scene where Addison and McDreamy discuss the fate of a teeny tiny preemie. Hester wasn't a preemie but the unit had so many tiny kids like that. I'll never forget seeing a poster on a baby's isolette that read "Hooray! R. is 3 lbs. today!" My heart skipped a beat and I felt guilty yet grateful that Hester was so healthy in comparison.

The kids in Hester's NICU were mostly stable, so the few times we did see real medical action freaked me out bigtime. There was one great tragedy while Hester was there and it affected the staff profoundly. Thankfully, Hester herself was never in danger; she just needed extra TLC and lots of meds to help her recover from her illness. We took things day by day. It was only when Hester started to get better that we realized just how very sick she'd been. As the old saying goes, ignorance was bliss.

Now that the whole hospitalization experience is behind us and we see Hester growing and thriving, it's easy to gloss over how very difficult it was to have her there. She was in the hospital for 7 weeks, a hell of a long time. And she was very sick, too. And we couldn't be with her all day. And it killed us to leave her, though we did the very best we could. It's easy now to think of Hester's hospitalization as nothing more than a bad dream, but seeing photos of her there makes it real again.

The Ergo is here.

And I'm so torn about it.

On one hand, I luuurve it for being nice to my back. Hester seems to like it, too. It's the comfiest carrier I've ever used, and I've used a good 4-5 of them. I like the versatility of positions, too.

On the other hand, I HATE it for putting my chest center stage. Seriously, I'm like Mommy Porn Star in this thing. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to wear Hester on my back in public, for reals; that's a whole lot of chestular TMI for anyone who sees me in it. Also, I have the shortest torso ever in the history of the world, which means I can't wear the carrier on my waist. I have to wear it on my hips or Hester and I will knock heads. Why does this matter? It matters cuz I need to order the waist belt extender so the thing will fit around my (v. ample) hips. So there's that. Porn star plus super-sized behemoth to boot. This contraption is already doing great things for my self-image.

So here's the question: Larger mamas, what are you using for baby carriers? Please give me your advice. I'm thinking that the Ergo is made for our tinier, less busty sisters. Who makes a back-friendly baby carrier for the larger woman with no torso? This inquiring mind wants to know.

"You have a baby...in a bar!"

So Hester went to a bar with us last night. On accident, I swear, and under duress. But still, there she was in her jammies looking at all the pretty lights coming through the liquor bottles. I thought our state had laws about this sort of thing, but apparently not. Hmm.

I'll back up for a sec and say that the reason we were in a bar at 9pm last night is that our dear friend L.'s father died unexpectedly over the weekend; his calling hours were last night. We went up right after work and missed dinner, but L. said that everyone was going out after the wake. We drove up to the restaurant, parked, walked in, and immediately realized that the restaurant side of the place was closed. However, the pub side was open, so that's where we all took a load off after the emotional evening. There was food and whatnot, but still: It was a bar.

The whole thing kinda cracked me up.

Yes, she is small.

You know how one minute you can be all, "Hey, my kid's doing great!" and the next minute all, "OMG, is there something wrong with my kid?" We had a couple of moments like that during Portland Pride.

During the parade we stood next to some pediatrician dude from northern Maine who wouldn't stop commenting on Hester's weight. He was all, " How old is she, 3 months?" and, "She's really small for 5 months, " and, "She has the classic 4-month head wobble, " and, "Was she full-term?" and, "Hmm, she's really small for her age." Jeezy! Then down at the festival, another woman wouldn't let up on Hester's size either: "She's so small for 5 months! Does she drink breast milk? Do you use partially digested formula? Did she ever drink breast milk?" ARRGHH!

As y'all know, this is the health issue we're most concerned about for Hester. She doesn't like to eat and she is small for her age (weight-wise, not length-wise). Her pediatrician is keeping an eye on Hester's growth but she isn't concerned, so we're trying hard to follow her lead. Still, it's difficult: When you try all day to feed your baby and she doesn't want to eat, it's a pretty stressful situation. The last thing you want is people making a big deal out of the very issue you're trying to minimize.