A progress report
Other people continue to amaze me with their kindness and thoughtfulness, too. My cousin Sam sent a huge box of wonderful gifts for Hester, and my dear friend JPP made her 3 beautiful hats. Hester's grandparents call daily (at least) and always have kind words for us and for her. Our neighbor Green Thumb takes Clara and the cats each weekend, and L&Y helped out one weekend as well. We've begun to receive some very welcome hand-me-downs from other friends, and many more boxes have been promised. Even the clerk at Old Navy remembered me when I was in there briefly to exchange a Christmas gift; she asked, "Have you heard anything?" and I was so proud to show her the photo of Petunia and Hester I carry in my wallet. Everywhere we go, congratulations and well wishes are in the air. It's truly amazing.
Everything's not all roses and sunshine, though. It's really hard having Hester in the hospital. For me the worst part (now that Hester's comfortable) is not being able to be with her and care for her on a daily basis. It's hard to ask permission to change her, play with her, or give her baths. It's almost impossible to leave her there in the nursery when I have to go to work. I hate that I spend my days caring for other people's children while my own child sits in the hospital without me. At low points, I fantasize about quitting work and staying with Hester full-time.
Time is passing so quickly, too, which is a mixed blessing: On one hand, Hester will be out of the hospital before we know it; but on the other, she won't be a tiny baby when she comes home. I try to remind myself of all the perks of having her in the hospital right now--free diapers! more sleep for us! easing into parenthood! etc.!--but these things are a cheap veneer over my true heart's desire: I want to give her baths and feed her, change her and play with her, talk with her and show her the big, wide world. I want to be her parent, really and truly.
I long for the day when Hester will come home.
Labels: Hester Willa