Pausing to reflect

I'm reflecting on how very different this Situation is from the one we expected. I feel grateful, sad, and overjoyed all at once. Hella scared, too. I guess that's a good thing.

I've been knitting like a fiend, too. We're making a scarf for each member of the baby's family from the same yarn we used for a hat for the baby, and all of these things need to be done by the baby's due date. Right now I'm working on the scarf for her father; the scarf for her mom is done. I hope there's enough time to work up a scarf for her brother, too.

I think about the baby's family all the time. I hope and pray we're doing right by them. It's really scary because the stakes are so high and there's little room for error. It's hard, too, because we'd expected such a different relationship with our baby's first family if we'd ended up with a DSS Situation. Things are even more complicated because of this baby's family's particular situation. I wish I could say more about it because I'd really like some feedback. Does anyone know of a more anonymous place (more anonymous than blogville, anyway) where adoption triad members can ask questions and talk with one another? I would really welcome that information.

You know what's funny? I'm being surprisingly even-keeled (for me) about all of this. I feel pretty proud of myself--I think I'm keeping things in perspective, not being overly dramatic, and not letting my emotions get the best of me. I haven't cried or carried on (though I've come close), and Petunia and I are taking good care of each other. All bets are off once the baby's born, but right now I'm doing okay.