Uh-oh

Dudes, I totally screwed myself: I have a work interview tonight with a prospective family. I really don't need a new family right now, but I got hooked because the 5-month old baby (!) is the grandson of a woman at church. I keep telling myself that the family's just looking for drop-in care for a few days in December, but it's still rough. Here's the thing, though--drop-ins usually morph into part-timers, and part-timers sometimes morph into full-timers. I have 2 kids who'll be moving in late spring/early summer, so I need to be thinking about adding a part- or full-time family to my roster for that time frame. Sigh. I just wish I had more energy for all this. But on the other hand, there's the possibility of another BABY! So exciting.

CPR recap

So, the CPR class sucked. It was VERY long. I got home at 10pm all cranky and sore...it turns out that even mild wrist and ankle sprains are not conducive to repetitive life saving. Who knew?

For those who wish to skip the latest recert class, I present to you the info I relearned last night:

1. For infant/child CPR: 30 chest compressions to 2 breaths.
2. For infant/child rescue breathing, it's 1 breath every 3 seconds.
3. For conscious choking, it's 5 back blows and 5 abdominal thrusts for kids; 5 back blows and 5 chest compressions for infants.
4. For unconscious choking, it's the same as your basic CPR, only you're trying to clear the airway rather than to circulate blood. Check the kid's mouth after each cycle of compressions to see if you got anything out of the airway.
5. For chest compressions, the rate is 100 compressions/minute; kids' compressions go 1-1.5 inches deep and infants' go .5-1 inch deep.
6. An infant is anyone under ~1 year and a child is anyone ~1-12 years old.
7. And finally, the Red Cross Gold Standards: Check-Call-Care and Airway-Breathing-Circulation. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you'd better start with the standard CPR class.

That'll be $30, please.

You're welcome.

A bit better

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better. No news on the neighbor dog, but dusting is done, clothes are put away, and I've had some Milk Duds and a Diet Coke. Also, Hester is pulling herself up on the clothes basket. How cool is that?

Aw crap

Nightmarish morning: One child scared and sobbing, two others fighting, Hester still sick. The neighbor's dog was hit by a car while the kids and I were in the yard. As I tried to help, the kids picked the last of our tomatoes and crushed them. V. messy lunchtime, late nap time. Tough talk with a parent about Early Intervention for her son. Loads of laundry to put away and dusting still to do.

The day can only improve, right?

A little help from my (bloggy) friends

Some of you have experience with this sort of thing, so I'll just throw it out here. What could be going on with a 2-year old child who presents with the following issues?

--fear of children in same age group; extreme fear of roughhousing or boisterous play
--high-pitched keening, crying, and shaking when distressed
--extreme sensitivity to and fear of loud noises
--tremendous separation anxiety from caregiver
--these problems come and go randomly as far as I can tell. I bet there's a trigger somewhere, but it's not blatant
--he used to have an obsession with lights and light switches and he used to flap his hands, but those behaviors have gone away

This little boy is fine when he's in my arms or in a back carrier, but that's not feasible when there are 4 other children to care for. His pediatrician says he looks great and dismissed his mother's concerns with the statement that "all 2-year olds are fearful and anxious from time to time." She's pressing the pediatrician on it again today after I had to call her for an early pickup; clearly he's not okay as he cried and shook every time one of the other kids looked at him.

This little boy is a wonderful kid and I want to care for him appropriately, but I can't figure out what's going on with him. Two coping strategies work fairly well some of the time: making him a cozy nest where he can observe, but not interact with, the other children, and helping him remember to cover his ears when loud noises occur. His mom gives him a pacifier and a lovey when things get tough, and they work sometimes as well.

I used to think this little one had Asperger's, but he doesn't have the hallmarks of that syndrome. Perhaps he has a different autism spectrum disorder. I have a call in to Early Intervention for him, so we'll see what happens on that front. In the meantime, if you recognize this child's behaviors as anything more than a random cluster of behaviors, would you please email me? Thanks. I really appreciate your help.

I mean business

I had another surprise inspection this morning from my licensor and I'm pleased to say that all is well. V. well, in fact! We were listening to salsa and playing in the indoor tunnel when he showed up, entirely unannounced. It was scary for me--unannounced visits make me anxious!--but I knew everything was fine. Now I'm to be licensed for another 3 years.

Despite all the work issues I've had since Hester came home, I'm proud of myself. Petunia and I took a big risk 4 years ago when we decided to buy a house, move west, and start my business. We planned like crazy and I worked my ass off, taking weekend jobs to allow myself time to get my program off the ground. As word of mouth spread, I found some (mostly) great families and get referrals for new ones all the time. Financially, my business allows us to claim ~1/3 of our mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc., which helps a lot. And now that Hester is here, she has all these friends who love her to bits and whom she absolutely adores.

This job is crazy hard in many respects: the consistency is a killer, I get sick constantly, and I have to keep the house wicked neat and clean. I have to remind myself daily (if not hourly) why I'm doing this. I usually think about Hester when things get difficult, but today's licensing visit reminds me that I can think of one other thing: This is my business, and I'm proud of it.

Pain in the neck

I've had this pain in my neck since April or May where the back of my neck gets so tense it's hard to turn my head to the side or to bring my chin to my chest. Nice, huh? Sounds like a stress reaction, doesn't it? Even better, it only happened on work days; Saturdays, Sundays, and vacation days were completely pain-free. I blamed my work, thinking the kids were literally pains in the neck.

It turns out I might have been unfair to them, though. The true culprit might have been something else altogether: My office chair.

Whaaa?

Today is the first day in months that my neck hasn't killed. Today is also my first day with our new desk chair from IKEA. Coincidence? I think not. Seriously, I think this new chair is making a world of difference already--no more pain in the neck for me!

And now if you'll excuse me, I think I owe an apology to 7 toddlers and preschoolers.

I'm ba-ack!

Alrighty then. I took a little bloggy break but now I'm back like gangbusters.

And did I mention that it's feeling like FALL around here? Cool days, cooler nights. Maple leaves have begun to fall in our yard and I saw my first scarlet leaves today in our local cemetery. Petunia bought some mums for our porch and we pulled out some warmer clothes for Hester. Apple picking, pumpkins, and scarves can't be far off. I love it!

In other news, I took the kids to the playground this morning and had a funny conversation with a 10-year old there:

Kid: Are they triplets? [Side note: I get this all the time from passersby. I heard it 3 times this morning alone; one woman even exited her car to stare at us and ask whether the boys are triplets. People are nuts, huh?]

Clementine: No, they're friends.

Kid: They're not yours?

Clementine: No, they're not mine. I run a child care program at my home, and these kids are friends who come to my child care program. [Hester is with her Mumzy today.]

Kid, brightening: You know, I want to have a daycare when I grow up! Maybe part-time, though. Parents struggle with their kids so much, so I think I won't have kids myself. I'll just take care of other people's kids cuz I love kids. But part-time, though. I don't love them that much.

How awesome is that?

In which I am ungrateful and peevish

Y'all might recall that I only had one week off from work when Hester got discharged from her 7-week NICU stay. That sucked bigtime. I was so stressed: My work families were demanding, my child care kids were nuts, and Hester herself needed lots of TLC. Most days I wanted to run away and live in a cave with Hester and Petunia and never see anyone else ever ever again.

In the midst of that horrendously difficult first week of work, one of my work moms gave me some yarn she picked up while Hester was in the hospital. "I really liked these colors!" she said, "And I know you like to knit, so I thought this would make a nice summer sweater for the baby. There's definitely enough yarn here for a baby sweater--I checked with the woman at the yarn shop." And though I knew she meant the gift in a kind, generous way, in my stress haze all I could think was, "FUCK!!! Another demand on my time. Sport-weight (thin) yarn. And the gifter is at my house all the time so she'd know if I let the project sit. Gah!"

Resentfully, I started the sweater back in March. I finally finished it 2 weeks ago. It still needs blocking and some I-cord ties, but whatever: It's done. I'm still not appropriately grateful for the gift--the timing was terrible!--but I'm so glad to have knit this sweater for little Hester.

Plan B

Many moons ago, I worked as a toddler teacher at a child development center. It was a fun job and I liked it, though I didn't like the way the administration treated the teachers. When I left that job to attend graduate school, I always figured that if I couldn't find a job doing other things, teaching would be a good solid Plan B for me.

Eight years ago I applied for and received my state license to teach infants and toddlers in a child care center. (Yes, it's a different process for center licensure vs. family child care licensure. Gotta love The State!) I promptly forgot all about this once I got my first post-grad school job as co-director of a youth center, and only remembered the license recently when we began to discuss moving west. On Monday I spoke with someone at the EEC who said that my license is still valid; she sent a new copy out to me with my married name on it. I received it yesterday.

It feels good to have this piece of paper in my possession. I like having options, and this license gives me one more possibility for work. Since we want to move to western MA before Hester starts school, it makes sense to me to start poking around now. Family child care might still be a possibility once we move, but maybe for a specific clientele, like teachers' children so I can have holidays and summers off with my little miss. Hmm.

At any rate, I'm glad to have my Plan B back again. I realize now that I actually missed it.

Field trip!

Have y'all been to Davis Farmland? It's my new favorite kids' place. I took Hester and Mr. Pea there today for work and all 3 of us loved it. Mr. Pea is 13 months old and Hester is 5 months, and there was lots to see and do for both of them and for me. There's the farm part, of course: Mr. Pea pet sheep, goats, snakes, a kitten, a lizard, and a 2-day old calf. However, there's also a zero-depth water park! Hester liked holding her hands in the spray and letting her whole body get misted while Mr. Pea liked trying to catch streams of water. The staff were friendly and helpful, the whole place was well-maintained, and they have clean, well-equipped family bathrooms. What more could a person want?

So far today...

...a child offered me a cocktail from the dramatic play kitchen.

...two other children slow danced to Time After Time.

...we ate ginormous monster cupcakes brought by a parent in celebration of her son's 3rd birthday.



I'm enjoying work again.

Mommy's Little Helper

Petunia and I attended the APA conference in Hawaii a few years ago. One day we were up in Haleiwa looking for The World's Best Shave Ice and I fell out BIGTIME: I had a major spasm in my shoulder that must have triggered my vagus nerve. I got all shocky--trouble breathing, crazy heart rate, pale and sweating, etc. I thought I was having a heart attack, actually; I had to lie down in the middle of a hot parking lot (in my swimsuit!) until my heart and respiration rates got slower. Once I could breathe again and see clearly, the pain in my shoulder was out of control. It radiated up into my neck and down into my arm and back. It took assloads of ibuprofen and several days to get it back to normal.

Since then, I've had the same shoulder pain a few times. I got it again around 4am this morning; I turned over in my sleep and something gave way in my shoulder. It's been awful all day, and now my other shoulder's starting to hurt because I'm carrying myself all crooked and crazy. This morning I tried heat, cold, stretching, Ben Gay, massage, and ibuprofen, and nothing worked to ease the pain.

So I busted out the vicodin.

Here's what's awesome: Working with toddlers while being jacked up on vicodin. Can I get an Amen?

Seriously, the vicodin doesn't even touch the pain; it just makes me not care about it. And I'm in my right mind, not fucked up at all. However, now I know why they call it Mommy's Little Helper: I have the patience of a saint on this shit!

Good thing I only have a few pills left, eh?

It's Provider Appreciation Day all over again

Yesterday afternoon I had my surprise state licensing visit, and boy howdy was it ever a surprise! My licensor came at naptime and I thought he was my neighbor coming over with more hand-me-downs for Hester. Seriously, I was shocked to see him. I'm glad I run a pretty tight ship: My license was renewed for another 3 years without incident and I didn't get a single noncompliance. What a relief.

And now today is Child Care Provider Appreciation Day. If you know a child care provider, show her/him some love! I celebrated by putting my feet up and drinking an iced latte while the kids watched Sesame Street all morning.

In my dreams, y'all.

Actually, I hosted a birthday party for 7 children complete with balloons, child-decorated party visors, and cupcakes. Sigh. At least Hester got to attend her first-ever birthday party; she got green frosting on her eyebrow. That should count for something.

A nice morning

Today I had one of those mornings that made me remember why I ever wanted to start a child care business in the first place. I schlepped all 5 kids to the playground; we played there all morning and had a picnic lunch beneath a shade tree. Hester played by herself on a blanket for a while, and then I put her in the grass for the first time. She even got a couple of grass stains on her romper--not bad for a 3-month old! The big kids ran laps around the ball field, blew bubbles, picked dandelions, and ate lunch with gusto. Hester fell asleep outdoors on her blanket with the warm breeze blowing across her tiny body. Lovely.

On working

I just read my wife Petunia's post about her experience being back at work since Hester came home. I was so touched; I'm really glad she's having such a positive experience. (I'm also really glad she does the middle-of-the-night feedings with Hester during the work week, but that's another story.) Before Hester arrived, Petunia was worried about her dual roles of worker and mother, and I'm relieved that, at least for now, she feels comfortable with both roles. Happy, even. That's rad.

I, on the other hand, am not nearly so chipper about the old work life. It was fine before Hester came home--I had a routine, I liked it, and I enjoyed my days with the kids. Now, not so much. I resent almost everything about my work life now, from waking at 5am in order to clean the house to filling out daily sheets for the kids' parents.

Mostly though, I resent the kids themselves. There, I said it--I'm officially a bad person. I want to spend my days with Hester uninterrupted by screaming toddlers squabbling over toys and poopy diapers that aren't hers. My resentment grew this week when I realized that Hester really does barf more during the work week--I've been recording it, so it's not my imagination. Stress makes reflux worse, so does this mean that child care stresses my baby to the point of vomiting? Or is it that I'm so stressed when I'm working that I make her sick? The whole point of starting this business was that I could spend my days home with our future child and still make money doing something I enjoy. But now that I'm not enjoying it, what does that mean for Hester, the kids, their families, and me? I'm home with Hester and I'm still making money, but that's about it.

I'm trying to give myself time. It's only been 2 weeks since Petunia went back to work, right? I'm a bit of a Type A gal, so I'm purposely trying to let myself feel what I'm feeling while simultaneously thinking that things will change with time. It's gotta get easier, right? But on the other hand, they don't call it "work" for nothing.

The bright spot in my day, the thing I focus on to make it to 6pm each night, is that Hester's with me. I just love seeing her sweet little face all day long, kissing her soft hair, and watching her grow and discover new things. Truth be told, I love watching the other kids interact with her, too--she brings out their tenderness and kindness. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the same child who just whapped another kid with a book is the kid who's caressing Hester's tiny feet and speaking gently to her, but I love seeing it. It gives me hope.

My new mantra: "Things will be okay."

They will, won't they?

Feeling like ass

I am in the throes of a lovely little virus. I had a high fever in the night, and though I'm managing it today with my good friends ibuprofen and acetaminophen, I still feel like ass. Achy bones, backache, runny nose, sore armpits and neck, lethargy, headache, chills--you name it, I got it. If I had a normal job, my ass would have called in for sure.

Blah.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

One of my work parents said that Hester looks like a pug. "In a good way," she added.

Oi & oh.

Nightmarish morning.

Ran out of coffee. 4 kids + Hester. 4 poopy diapers in 2 hours. Vomiting (from Hester--3 times. The last 2 times she soaked herself and me through the Maya Wrap, 2 shirts, and my bra. We were outdoors at the time. Which meant I had to wrangle 4 big, muddy kids into the house so we could change). Screaming from reflux pain. More screaming when a bottle wasn't immediately forthcoming. Whining. Mud. Hitting and pushing. Refusing lunch. Throwing lunch. Crying. Lots of crying.

I really wanted to cry, too.

But then, hope: afternoon! And naptime. One big kid gone, 3 big kids asleep. Hester playing by herself while watching me type. A very special UPS delivery with an entire library for Hester from JPP's amazing mom. V. good news from Petunia about the Hat of Justice. Remembering the Milk Duds stashed in pantry. Card from Petunia with my favorite quote on it. Diet Coke. Ibuprofen.

The afternoon will be better than the morning. The afternoon will be better than the morning. The afternoon will be better than the morning....

Nose tampons and The Joy of Reading to Children

I was just ready to publish my last post when Blogger ate it. That's the kind of day I'm having.

To be fair, it wouldn't be bad at all except I caught a nasty head cold from the kids. It's been geting worse since Tuesday, but today I'm miserable: streaming nose, smarting eyes, sore throat, the works. Why doesn't someone make and market nose tampons for exactly these sort of days? I'm praying that Hester doesn't get it next.

I'm phoning it in till the kids leave at 6pm, and then I have to go to a child care training on reading to children. I didn't realize I was in need of training in this particular area, but whatever. I have to log continuing education hours to stay current on my license, so that's why you'll find me reading aloud to other FCC providers from 6:30-7:30pm this evening.

Boy, that'll be fun.

Edited to add: The workshop people gave us free books! Good ones, too. I guess it wasn't too bad after all.

Now if only I felt better....