Mommy's Little Helper

Petunia and I attended the APA conference in Hawaii a few years ago. One day we were up in Haleiwa looking for The World's Best Shave Ice and I fell out BIGTIME: I had a major spasm in my shoulder that must have triggered my vagus nerve. I got all shocky--trouble breathing, crazy heart rate, pale and sweating, etc. I thought I was having a heart attack, actually; I had to lie down in the middle of a hot parking lot (in my swimsuit!) until my heart and respiration rates got slower. Once I could breathe again and see clearly, the pain in my shoulder was out of control. It radiated up into my neck and down into my arm and back. It took assloads of ibuprofen and several days to get it back to normal.

Since then, I've had the same shoulder pain a few times. I got it again around 4am this morning; I turned over in my sleep and something gave way in my shoulder. It's been awful all day, and now my other shoulder's starting to hurt because I'm carrying myself all crooked and crazy. This morning I tried heat, cold, stretching, Ben Gay, massage, and ibuprofen, and nothing worked to ease the pain.

So I busted out the vicodin.

Here's what's awesome: Working with toddlers while being jacked up on vicodin. Can I get an Amen?

Seriously, the vicodin doesn't even touch the pain; it just makes me not care about it. And I'm in my right mind, not fucked up at all. However, now I know why they call it Mommy's Little Helper: I have the patience of a saint on this shit!

Good thing I only have a few pills left, eh?