Time heals an old wound
Several years ago I worked at a local nonprofit. I loved it there--my clients were amazing and my coworkers were outstanding. The 4 of us on staff were a tight team, all completely committed to our clients. I worked there happily for several years and I still count it as the most important work I've ever done.
Things ended badly at the nonprofit, however. Relationships between coworkers deteriorated as one person left for school, another left for a different nonprofit job, and I left to take a fellowship. The 4th person was left to run the place with a completely new staff and no support. It was a horrible time--I cried every morning and night for a couple of months before I finally resigned.
After leaving, I was messed up for a long time. Things were said during those last 2 months that made me doubt the very core of myself. It took a couple of years for the pain to lift enough for me to understand why things ended so horribly. It was crazy--for a while I felt like I was losing my mind. Once I got some distance, though, I realized all the good I did while I worked there. I also regained the pride and confidence I lost when I left. Still, I avoided the folks I knew from there; I didn't want to be reminded of such a dark time.
However, at Pride I ran into one of those old coworkers. [Frickkin' Pride!] She was with her family and I was with Hester and Petunia. Her partner--maybe wife now?--cooed over the baby while I exclaimed over her child. She and I exchanged pleasantries, then she hugged me a couple of times. She said something about moving on from Ye Olde Nonprofit herself.
And it was strange...in those few minutes with her I finally got some closure about those last 2 months at the nonprofit. Maybe it was knowing that none of the old guard was still on staff; maybe it was seeing her and thinking, "Wow, I've missed her." I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I felt good about seeing her. Like I'd come back into my own, if that makes sense.
Hmm.
Things ended badly at the nonprofit, however. Relationships between coworkers deteriorated as one person left for school, another left for a different nonprofit job, and I left to take a fellowship. The 4th person was left to run the place with a completely new staff and no support. It was a horrible time--I cried every morning and night for a couple of months before I finally resigned.
After leaving, I was messed up for a long time. Things were said during those last 2 months that made me doubt the very core of myself. It took a couple of years for the pain to lift enough for me to understand why things ended so horribly. It was crazy--for a while I felt like I was losing my mind. Once I got some distance, though, I realized all the good I did while I worked there. I also regained the pride and confidence I lost when I left. Still, I avoided the folks I knew from there; I didn't want to be reminded of such a dark time.
However, at Pride I ran into one of those old coworkers. [Frickkin' Pride!] She was with her family and I was with Hester and Petunia. Her partner--maybe wife now?--cooed over the baby while I exclaimed over her child. She and I exchanged pleasantries, then she hugged me a couple of times. She said something about moving on from Ye Olde Nonprofit herself.
And it was strange...in those few minutes with her I finally got some closure about those last 2 months at the nonprofit. Maybe it was knowing that none of the old guard was still on staff; maybe it was seeing her and thinking, "Wow, I've missed her." I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I felt good about seeing her. Like I'd come back into my own, if that makes sense.
Hmm.
Labels: Oh my darlin'...
posted by Clementine at 1:32 PM
4 Comments:
That's really good! I'm glad you felt good about it. That was a shitty shitty time. Poor Clementine.
It was horrendously shitty. I was so angry at them for targeting you like that. I am glad you feel better about her and it but I still want to punch her and the others in the face for hurting someone I love so viciously.
I know what you mean Hashbrown. We have to be protective of our Clementine. :)
hey there, first off that pic of hester with the pride flag is aDORable! when i was reading this post, it was crazy because yesterday was my last day of a job that turned VERY sour... it has been a difficult year since last summer when we got a new boss, but the past few months in particular have been so challenging and your comment about doubting the core of yourself hit home with me... i'm not sure the circumstances of your job, but thanks for sharing! the good news is that the teens were great on my last day and sang me songs and made me videos, so that helped me not leave on an entirely bitter note! glad you are feeling better about the ordeal you went through!
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