Shall I show you a shallot?

For years, I wasn't sure if shallots = mollusks, so I steered clear of them. I mean, doesn't "shallot" sound like it could be in the mollusk family, like scallops? Well, I have a very pronounced dislike of foods from Under the Sea (read: barf), so anything that even whispers Shellfish gets classified in my mind as Seafood.* Usually, this is a good strategy for me: I don't have to try new foods, and I also don't have to hork up my meal. See what I mean? Win-win.

However, a couple of months ago I found my favorite soup recipe on the internet, and I discovered it contains shallots.

Me, upset: I could have sworn the menu said it was vegetarian. This says it has shallots!
Petunia, confused: Um, shallots are vegetarian.
Me, startled: What? Aren't they seafood?
Petunia, suddenly understanding: No, they're kind of like a mild onion. They're a vegetable.
Me, doubtful: Are you sure? Are you positive they're not shellfish? Are they in a jar? Where do you buy them?
Petunia, laughing at me: No, they're not shellfish! They're in the vegetable part of the grocery store.
Me, unsure: What about capers?

So I made the soup, omitting the peanut oil (too expensive) and the shallots (my mind said "not mollusk," but my stomach wasn't sure). And the soup was good, but it didn't taste like the soup at the restaurant.

Last night I decided to buy the ingredients to make the real soup, shallots and all. I quickly located the peanut oil, then headed over to the vegetable aisle to find the shallots. I looked near the papery onions: nothing. I looked near the leafy onions, the leeks and the like: nothing. I asked a shy teenager with the wispy beginnings of his first goatee if he'd seen the shallots, and he asked me what they looked like. I started thinking, "I should just ask at the fish counter. They'll know about shallots!" when an older gentleman walked up and began appraising kale. "A person who eats kale would know about shallots," I thought to myself. "Excuse me, sir--do you know what shallots are?" I asked out loud. He smiled and led me right to them. I thanked him even as my mind reeled.

Shallots really are vegetarian!

*Like capers. I know they're not actually seafood-related (I just checked on dictionary.com to be sure), but they're sold in scary little jars in the anchovy aisle. Also: tapioca pudding. My mom said "fish eyes" once when I was two, and it was all over for me and tapioca.