Neighborhood throwdown

Remember Pregnant Neighbor? She's not pregnant anymore and I've hardly seen her since the baby was born 2 months ago. However, she stopped by uninvited yesterday afternoon when I was out in the yard with the kids. Thankfully, her visit was brief; I was just fixin' to tell her I needed to focus on the children when she up and left. This morning I heard from her again and the situation was Not Good.

Here's the back story: Petunia and I live in front of a very strange man and woman. They have this dog, a growling, barking, snarling mutt they call Checkie, and you never see that dog unless one or both of them is yelling at it to hurry up and go potty. Also, they used to throw their dog's shit in our yard. We put up a no trespassing sign and I spoke with the man about it and eventually it stopped, but not before Petunia actually slipped and fell in dog shit that had been covered by falling leaves. So you might say that we go out of our way to avoid this couple. In fact, if I see them out in their yard, I make sure the kids and I aren't anywhere near them. I'd do the same with Clara, but she avoids them on her own. [A weird side note: Ever since I told the man off last year, they've called our dog "Happy Puppy." WTF? Damned right she's happy--she gets to go outside without her people yelling at her, "Checkie, go to the baaathroom!" three times a day. Issues!]

So Not Pregnant Neighbor called me early this morning to tell me about an altercation she'd just had with these very same Strange Rangers. Her kids had been on the Strange Rangers' porch talking to a stray cat; the Strange Rangers came out with Checkie, saw the kids there, and flipped out. "Get the fuck off our porch!" they allegedly yelled. When Not Pregnant Neighbor yelled back at them to quit swearing at her kids, they cussed some more and threatened to tell the police that she and her baby's daddy are targeting them for a hate crime. Whaaa? So of course Not Pregnant Neighbor saw their threat and raised it, calling the police her ownself (I love that southern expression) and filing a complaint against the Strange Rangers. An hour later, she called to ask me to file an affidavit saying that her children are well-behaved.

Can you even believe this crazy drama? We really do have some v. nice neighbors, but these folks are nuts! Obviously, I will not be filing an affidavit, and I will not be getting involved with this craziness. I liked it better when NPN was being rude about her shower gifts and bragging about her belly. Oh, those were the days!