Frosty sings the blues
It's official: there's nothing fun about making a snowman.
I'd remembered it as one of those charming wintertime activities that leaves you rosy-cheeked and longing for hot chocolate, but in reality it was a miserable hour of backbreaking labor that left me sweating profusely and longing for ibuprofen.
First, there's the rolling. You start out with a tiny ball of snow and ice and you roll it around your yard until it grows into a massive boulder of snow, ice, dirt, and dog pee.
Then, there's the stacking. You lift a 40-pound ball of slippery "snowball" onto its larger (and dirtier) mate, all the while trying to avoid dropping it on the heads of unsuspecting toddlers.
Finally, there's the decorating. Now, y'all know I'm a crafty gal, so you might think this part would be fun for me. I thought so, too, but wrong-o! I was out of full-length regulation-size carrot noses and had only baby carrots; these were deemed "too small" by my 2 1/2 year old creative director. Pressed, I decided that celery would have to suffice. Once we got it out there, however, I realized I'd made a terrible mistake. Our snowman looks awful. It's the ugliest snowman on our block. It's even uglier now after some melting: its pinecone eyes and celery nose have fallen off, leaving a gaping wound of a proboscis and no facial features whatsoever. The kicker: the prettiest snowman on our block lives next door. He's like 12 feet tall and carries a broom. Ours is 3 feet tall and wears a bandanna (I didn't have a scarf handy). He looks like a Bloods member (and, in fact, he informs me that "Frosty" is his gang name).
A final note about snowmen: I'm sick of them being men. My creative director rebuffed my original idea of making a snow-reindeer, and he didn't like the idea of making a snowwoman any better. Next time, however, I'm throwing a diva fit and we're going to do some gender-bending. High heels, ball caps, even bandannas--the new rule is DIY when it comes to snow-creatures. MINI snow-creatures, I mean.
I'd remembered it as one of those charming wintertime activities that leaves you rosy-cheeked and longing for hot chocolate, but in reality it was a miserable hour of backbreaking labor that left me sweating profusely and longing for ibuprofen.
First, there's the rolling. You start out with a tiny ball of snow and ice and you roll it around your yard until it grows into a massive boulder of snow, ice, dirt, and dog pee.
Then, there's the stacking. You lift a 40-pound ball of slippery "snowball" onto its larger (and dirtier) mate, all the while trying to avoid dropping it on the heads of unsuspecting toddlers.
Finally, there's the decorating. Now, y'all know I'm a crafty gal, so you might think this part would be fun for me. I thought so, too, but wrong-o! I was out of full-length regulation-size carrot noses and had only baby carrots; these were deemed "too small" by my 2 1/2 year old creative director. Pressed, I decided that celery would have to suffice. Once we got it out there, however, I realized I'd made a terrible mistake. Our snowman looks awful. It's the ugliest snowman on our block. It's even uglier now after some melting: its pinecone eyes and celery nose have fallen off, leaving a gaping wound of a proboscis and no facial features whatsoever. The kicker: the prettiest snowman on our block lives next door. He's like 12 feet tall and carries a broom. Ours is 3 feet tall and wears a bandanna (I didn't have a scarf handy). He looks like a Bloods member (and, in fact, he informs me that "Frosty" is his gang name).
A final note about snowmen: I'm sick of them being men. My creative director rebuffed my original idea of making a snow-reindeer, and he didn't like the idea of making a snowwoman any better. Next time, however, I'm throwing a diva fit and we're going to do some gender-bending. High heels, ball caps, even bandannas--the new rule is DIY when it comes to snow-creatures. MINI snow-creatures, I mean.
posted by Clementine at 1:32 PM
4 Comments:
I almost peed my pants reading this description. Here's another official notice: summer is not fun. You only think it's fun because you used to get it off from school but actually it's hellish heat and misery.
halso, you're right about summer. however, for a FCC provider, winter is worse for 2 reasons: 1. as soon as you get the last kid in his/her snowsuit, snowboots, coat, mittens, and hat, the 1st two kids you dressed have started to shed their winter layers and you have to start all over again in some sort of sick cyclical farce; and 2. in summer they play in water all day while you dip your feet in the wading pool and remind them to "only pour water over their own bodies." if only you could do this with a margarita in your hand, summer wouldn't be bad at all.
wow... i haven't seen snow in years, but it still sounds quaint and twee, all your little challenges and adventures. why don't you paint him with food coloring mixed with water to make him more festive?
wow, that was pretty crafty of me.
easy on the crafts, dude. don't you know that food coloring leaves a permanent stain?
Post a Comment
<< Home