Resorting to platitudes
I'm a bundle of nerves today. Petunia and I will be attending a meeting tonight about LGBT adoption, and every time I think about it, my stomach gets all butterfly-y.
This adoption stuff is hard. It's difficult to talk about, really. Some days I feel so alone with it; not misunderstood, exactly, but kind of isolated and sad. Barren, even. We have friends (LGBT and straight) who are already parents, friends who want to be parents someday, and friends who never want to be parents. We're the only ones who want to build a family though adoption.
It's tough to find resources for LGBT adoptive families. The resources that are out there mostly talk about international adoption, something we're prohibited from doing because we're legally married. Resources about domestic adoption generally discuss private adoption, and we're not wealthy enough for that. The few resources about domestic public adoption are almost exclusively het-focused, so that's tough, too. All the lesbians we know who've recently had kids (or who want to) have gone the alternative insemination route, which isn't for us.
All of this builds up to the ball of anxiety bouncing around in my stomach. Tonight we'll clap eyes on other queer prospective adoptive parents; maybe we'll even make some friends. Even if we don't connect with anyone there, at least I'll take away the knowledge that other folks are in similar situations. It's not "misery loves company," it's "strength in numbers."
This adoption stuff is hard. It's difficult to talk about, really. Some days I feel so alone with it; not misunderstood, exactly, but kind of isolated and sad. Barren, even. We have friends (LGBT and straight) who are already parents, friends who want to be parents someday, and friends who never want to be parents. We're the only ones who want to build a family though adoption.
It's tough to find resources for LGBT adoptive families. The resources that are out there mostly talk about international adoption, something we're prohibited from doing because we're legally married. Resources about domestic adoption generally discuss private adoption, and we're not wealthy enough for that. The few resources about domestic public adoption are almost exclusively het-focused, so that's tough, too. All the lesbians we know who've recently had kids (or who want to) have gone the alternative insemination route, which isn't for us.
All of this builds up to the ball of anxiety bouncing around in my stomach. Tonight we'll clap eyes on other queer prospective adoptive parents; maybe we'll even make some friends. Even if we don't connect with anyone there, at least I'll take away the knowledge that other folks are in similar situations. It's not "misery loves company," it's "strength in numbers."
posted by Clementine at 1:14 PM
4 Comments:
My family will be built, in part, through adoption, too. I'm a few steps behind you, though, and I'm hoping to have one biokid, a process I need to start if it's going to happen, so the adoption's a ways off, yet.
It will definitely happen, though.
Hey, Frog! Thanks for your encouragement. If your Small Friends have any say in matters, you and Ms. Turtle will be proud parents before you know it!
I have two different friends--one in-person, one online--who have adopted domestically as out lesbians.
The online one is Shannon at Peter's Cross Station: http://lilysea.blogs.com/peterscrossstation/
Her old blog, Waiting for Nat, was largely about Shannon & her partner's adoption process:
http://www.waitingfornat.blogspot.com/
She's thoughtful and smart and would probably know of some resources for you.
Hey, Elsewhere! I found Waiting for Nat and Peter's Cross Station just last week (great minds, huh?). I read all of Shannon's posts during naptimes, and they brought me so much hope. Thanks for reaching out to this wannabe mama!
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